Okay , let's talk about the real me .
Have you ever wondered what I really am actually ? . Nice ? . Bitchy ? . Fake or just about anything ? .
What I can say about myself is that I am so not people friendly . As you can see, if only I know you will then I talk to you , if not I will just smile and nod accordingly to that person but nothing more , even tho she or he is my classmate or whatever . I will never be or act rude towards a person UNLESS he or she has crossed the line . I may look nice and sweet on the outside and yes I do sometimes wear my feelings on my sleeves but never ever talk bad about my family or friends . I would either yell at you which I rarely do or I would just storm off .
I always find it funny when people want to take advantage of me because of my kindness . When they know that I can actually stand up for myself they were so gob-smacked that their expressions becomes so priceless . I am not pretty as what the models in the catalogue look like but beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder right . I feel very thankful that I was never being tormented for my chubbiness or whatever except for this one friend when I was in primary school who always mock me because I guess she hates me because I was different ? . I would always go back home crying and my sister and mom would be clueless on how to deal with me at that time . I would always feel so less of myself and I was at the age of growing up . It was really bad for my confidence level and it was a very dark time for me as I don't really know on how to defend myself . I didn't know any better and I was absorbing whatever she said to me like a sponge . Not until recent years that I managed to understand why she did that to me . With my rational thinking I managed to 'decode' her strange behavior and it was because she was insecure , very actually .
I guess she comes from a broken family and there was too much anger in her . And with that I was her punching bag . If I would actually turn back time , I would tell myself there's nothing to be scared off , as the girl who is tormenting you is actually much more timid than you are . I would tell my younger self all her dirty little secrets and I would ask my younger self to torment her until she beg for my younger self to stop . How great will that be . But for whatever she had done to me has now become a part of me . I learned from it and it made me a better person . So nah , I would actually say thank you to her for making my life miserable before as it has make me a tough person like I am now . Whenever you feel angry or having any resentments towards somebody because of what they did to you , remember there is a higher power who is capable of doing anything , and His name is God . What I have observed is that , God is just . You don't really have to do anything bad to someone who oppresses you as whatever god's punishment is will be so much worst than what you are capable of doing to that person .
I went to a school full of raging hormones . I am not even joking . Some of the girls were so fake that you can actually see the plastic-ness on their skin , who is so geeky that they barely look up from their books and girls who are just plain mean and torturing people is part of their hobby . Oh yes I've seen all kinds of girls . But of course there are still some who are just plain innocent and nice . Nobody is perfect aye . I was the background type of a girl . I excel in my studies but I wasn't at the top . I wasn't popular but I was a prefect . Let's just say I am an average kind of student . lol . I used to have friends who say that I am only friends with popular girls to gain popularity . And there are even some some who says that I am gedik without them knowing me . lol . Oh well we can stop people from talking can we .
Oh yeah , I said I was a prefect right ? . At first it was something so huge for me that I was really really really excited just to be one . I was never popular and being a prefect is a major step up for me , or so I thought it was and boy was I wrong . It was horrible , horrendous actually . but the others were alright with it . I didn't have any close friends in the board and it was , you know how whenever you see uh the type of girls who chooses only their close friends who are so bad at that particular job but pick them anyways cause they are their friends ? Yes , in that prefectorial board these kind of species inhabits the place . So the one who is so call 'lame' by them gets all the dirty work or the kind of work that they don't even want to go near to . After half a year I started regretting my decision , I felt so stupid and I had never regretted anything as much as this . But oh well , as I say before this kind of experience have made me who I am today . I managed to learn from my mistakes and I really try to avoid having myself involve in this kind of situation again .
Okay this post is getting longer and longer and I will stop now , for a while . There will be more to come . *claps* .
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